The Poem a Day Challenge invites poets to pen a new opus every day during April. This offering for Day 17 sees me upsides with the calendar for the first time.
Triolet
What startled me awake? The sudden chill
of Winter coming, frosting every pane?
Just when I thought my words were lying still
yours startled me. Awake - a sudden chill
from knowing that your leaving soon would kill
the sunset's touch, and we'd not meet again -
that startles me awake, its sudden chill,
like Winter coming, frosting every pain.
This is a beautiful, poignant, finely crafted triolet Doctor. And I know you would suggest I use fewer adjectives, but I'll leave the comment stand.
ReplyDeleteHey Doc! Long time, no poem!
ReplyDeleteI love this and I shall tell you why. I have been looking for a poem to illustrate to my students how Romeo and Juliet might have been feeling on the morning they had to part forever. And I think you have written it! With your permission, I'd like to show my students in the hope they might be inspired to write their own poems.
Marvellous stuff!
All my beans . . . ooops! Sorry - I mean "By all means". Thank you. I hope your students are not slow to point out the poem's faults.
DeleteI shall tell them they are to learn from a professional!
DeleteProfessional? My lifetime earnings from writing poems must be approaching fifty quid!
DeleteBeing constructively critical, Doc, is the hardest thing to do! You certainly caught the desperate chill of separation with your little poem here. :)
ReplyDeleteYou've said it Penny! That's why there's so little constructive criticism in blog comments.
DeleteI agree this speaks of Romeo and Juliet to me. Wonderful piece!
ReplyDeletesymbolizes death, and loss very wonderfully!!
ReplyDeleteWho raped the Heir of all her golden goodness?
This is beautiful, and the form, with its repeated phrases, accentuates the tale so well.
ReplyDelete